i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
