Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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