i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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