I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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