Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
