You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize