chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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