I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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