I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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