I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
