Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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