hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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