pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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