if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
