I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Someone came in the potted fern
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
