I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
how can u be prego again
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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