the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
