that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
