I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
