I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
