So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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