If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
