I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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