uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
