there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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