This dress was meant to end up on your floor
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
