Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
