OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
