Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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