Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
