It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
