I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize