I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
