I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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