we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
