D3 body, D1 cock
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
