at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
