I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
