I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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