God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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