just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
