apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
