I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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