I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Drunk is not a location!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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