real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
How external is "for external use only"?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
