Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
