I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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