worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
