am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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