My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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