I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
