WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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