My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
