why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
