I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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