Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
