Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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