god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
