Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Ketchup is God's man juice
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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