farters have to be the big spoon...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
