If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
