in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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