I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
