There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize